the dvds have stacked up
all without the disk inside the box
the magazines have gathered to make a papery, glossy coffee table with rings of wine glass stains on them
there's a pile of your dirty clothes on a corner
i dare not wash it
i dare not look at it
i dare not smell it
i dare not touch it
it's gathered there from every visit
from every time my hands and eyes undressed you
it became my pillow
it became my blanket
it became my handkerchief
it became my therapist
it was my bed for months
it's been stained with my tears and glossy and bleeding lips
and brutaly beaten with my fists as i've held them close to my body and punched many times while thinking of you
your clothes have seen, heard, felt more than my walls have
they've comforted me
they've upset me
i love them
i hate them
they're piled on my bedroom floor along with your pictures
along with my thoughts
along with notebooks with your name scribbled on its pages
along with letters i was too cowardly to give you
with towers of cds that contained songs with lyrics dedicated to you
red pens, blue pens, black pens everywhere
ink spilled everywhere along with words that mean nothing but everything as well
colorful flowers that used to brighten up my room are now withered
everything in my rooms is yours
everything has your name
including my arm
and everything's a mess
including my head
a collection of everything and anything you've touched for the past year
half smoked cigarettes with ashes that fill up urns scattered on my room like confetti at a kid's party
wine bottles, whiskey bottles, vodka, rum everywhere
blood flowing from my arm like those champagne fountains at some gatherings
i bet it tastes like it too
just flowing and flowing
making my pink body blue
making my heart beat slowly and weakly
a small shard of glass is dropped by my right hand
i only see your face in blood
i only hear your voice with blood
i only taste your lips in blood
i can only feel you, all of you in blood
i needed to see you
i needed to feel you
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