fuck you.

this is where i rant because i have had a really stupid fucking day and with my luck, it might get worse when m love comes over. here's to fucking hoping it doesn't.

i'm at that point in my life, in my heart, in my head where i am annoyed by certain people. this is actually a really good thing. this is a familiar feeling and it's usually followed by hate. hate is good to me. hate doesn't really hurt me. but i am really really fucking annoyed with some people right now and if i was a bitch i would tell a whole bunch of people to shut the fuck up. but i won't because this is me being annoyed, not them. but i really want to say shut the fuck to a few out there. i had to hide some people from my news feed because of it. i feel like any day now i am going to have a breakdown, one that will hurt some people and maybe even myself but one that will be worth the pain i cause to myself and to others because sometimes life is pain and life is hard and i've dealt with a lot of shit for a few years now, and i will give hell to those who gave me the same without any inch of guilt. i will do so selfishly just like it was done to me. i fucking hope that i have a meltdown and i insult the living shit out of a lot of people. there's so much i want to get out and i will be a coward and only do so when i am completely fed up with shit and i think that time is coming shortly. i am annoyed with a lot of things. mostly with myself. i am so disgusted with myself these days, the kind of disgust that only comes after you've had sex with someone and you regret it in the morning. i feel like the morning after hot vet and i had sex in her car. this usually has to do with someone and this is no one i am current seeing. just old shit. i am disgusted that it took me this long to get over little, insignificant bullshit. and i will make damn fucking sure that subject doesn't get one tiny bit of mention on this after this post. i am tempted to delete this fucking thing but like all things in my life, i am not good at letting go and i have over 250 posts on here, over two years worth of writing. stupid little things, but stupid little things that i felt deep in the pit of my stomach. stupid little things that now, as i said, annoy me because they don't matter anymore. because they don't mean what they meant to me what they once meant. stupid little things because i spent all my words, good or bad, on one person and now i don't have any left for the next one. stupid little words because right now i wish i could take back all i said. stupid little words because i wish they all had a different name to them. yes, i wish i didn't write such things for some people. i should have kept all this shit to myself. so yes, i am annoyed. annoyed with myself for this. annoyed for feeling annoyed. annoyed with myself because i know the one good girl i've had will soon leave me. annoyed because it was all my fault. annoyed for loving some. annoyed for not loving others. i am annoyed with myself. today was just a really fucking stupid day.