broken phones and semi broken girls.

last year around october my cell phone broke. the screen stopped working and since it was a touch screen phone, the screen was pretty important. i went to get it fixed and when i went to pick it up they told me they couldn't so they ordered a new one. i was a little excited since it was gonna be new and i wasn't gonna have to worry about other shit breaking. i didn't realize or didn't remember that my saved texts would go along with the old phone. i had 250 saved texts. texts i needed like the air i breathed. texts that i kept close to my heart and were the only reason i even cared for a cell phone at that time. 250 texts gone. i was really upset with my new phone. earlier this year i bought another phone but this time i wasn't too worried about texts, i had some new saved ones but since there was nothing going on, those texts were not as important as the other ones. they weren't lovey, cutesy texts, just texts from a certain person. i think some of them were not nice at all but i still saved them. and i only saved them because we weren't talking much so i wanted to savor in as much as i could. anyway, i changed my phone in february and when i bought it, this person and i weren't talking, i had been deleted from facebook and unfollowed from tumblr, one of the many many times this has happened. so i was kinda eh about the new phone, excited about the phone but not too worried about the texts. coincidentally i was sent a friend request that night. so since our "friendship" had rekindled, texts were being sent and i started saving them again. my phone broke two weeks ago. i went to get it fixed on friday and i was told they couldn't fix it so they ordered a new one. i have until tuesday to go through all those 500 saved texts and take them all in and memorize them. i have until tuesday before two to cry and laugh and remember what i was doing and where i was at the time those were received. it's crazy because i actually know exactly where i was at and what i was doing with every single one of them. every single one. i am not ready to let go of those texts. i am not ready to not look at my phone and for a certain name to be empty. to not even appear on my recent texts thing. i stopped deleting everyone's texts so yours stay at the bottom. as much as i don't want to read them, i have been. i've read them hundreds of times since friday. i am not ready to see an empty name. i know this is probably for the best since i won't have anything to "cling" to. but the thought of it is making me anxious. it's making me very very anxious.