no sleep tonight.

i can already feel it in my bones, as they quiver with anxiety, that i won't be able to sleep tonight. i feel it in my throat as the knot is trying to keep the ocean from coming. i feel it in my lungs as they gasp for air and collapse with each hum dallas green makes. maybe city and colour isn't the right music for this moment. i can feel my soul quickly trying to escape my body through my pores, through my mouth, through my eyes, through my nose in one big exhale. it's no wonder i keep gasping for air, one of the most important parts of my being is trying to leave me, just like everything and everyone else. i won't sleep tonight. and while some lay happily and in love, next to eachother and in someone's arms, i will lay in my bed with my thoughts. truth is, august will always kill me. august is a murderer, it will commit homicide every year for a really long time. i won't sleep. i can't sleep because i will think of you. because i will remember a conversation that is 365 days old. because in about 23 minutes i will remember the things we said, the things you said, the things i said. because in a couple of days you would have said the three words that have made me the happiest and the three words that you later killed me with. because those words will never be uttered from your mouth to my heart. because in less than 24 hours your hand held mine and that's all i was left with and that's all i had. because that will always be the most important memory of our whatever. because if i had to pick one day of my life to live again, that would be it. august 4th, 2010. because you made and you killed my summer. and because a few weeks ago, had i had the chance, i would have done it all over again. i won't sleep because my tears won't let me do so. i won't sleep because with each weak beat my heart takes, yours beats stronger. i won't sleep because i've never loved anyone the way i loved you. i won't sleep because i will dream with you tonight. i won't sleep. i won't sleep. i won't sleep because i haven't been able to sleep for over a year. i won't sleep because when it comes to you life is better with eyes open.

"you carried all my hopes until something broke inside. but now, we float, take life as it comes." -PJ Harvey

a: you can put your legs on top of mine if you want.
p: i already knew that was an option.

i've carried this ticket stub in my wallet for a year now. i think it's time to leave it out.