i hadn't shed a tear for you in a while. in a good good while. i will drown in my tears and in my thoughts tonight because i don't know how not to. and here i thought i was doing so well. you've been everywhere recently. in bars, restaurants, even in my dreams. i'm allowing myself to fall apart one last time, eventhough there's nothing i can really do to prevent it. i'm allowing myself to hold you in my arms with just my memories because that's all i have. i'm allowing your breath on my neck and i am going to enjoy every single goosebump my body gets from it. even if it's just memory. i am gonna listen to all that music that reminds me of you, of the sad and of the happy, on my part at least. i am going back to june 26th and stopping a day before today. i am gonna take longs breaths that build knots in my throat that will want to stop me from crying, but i will keep crying anyway. i am allowed one final cry and this cry might not stop today but in ten days but it will be the last one. it's days like today when i am reminded of when i saw you walking towards me in that dress. it's days like today when i am reminded of the time i got the two best hugs of my life. it's days like today when i still feel you next to me in the cold theater. it's days like today when i think i'm invading your armrest. it's days like today when that fucking look you gave me as you slipped your arm under mine and put your hand out for me to hold it will kill me one more time. i gulp every single time i am reminded of that look. that smile and that look have been my death for a year now. i still feel your hand around mine and i still feel your breath on my neck and it's moments like right now when i do miss you. i was doing so well. fucking august.
me: so you're my baby and i'm yours?
you: you were always my baby, aidee.
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