you are not to blame for bittersweet distractions.

i've never wanted a woman this badly in my life. this goes beyond love and any other emotion, feeling, sentiment. i've never craved the smell of a woman's skin this way. when the thought of it sends me on some wonderland that is filled with scent and doesn't let me keep my legs still. i've never wanted someone like this. when i yearn every time i'm around her and i can't touch her. she's a deity. like i put her on a pedestal so high up that i, myself, can't reach it. the thought of her lips anywhere near mine punctures my lungs. like voodoo. like someone's playing a sick joke on me, teasing me with such impossible thoughts. i've never wanted a woman this badly. never for this long. i've never wanted someone so untouchable. i burn to see her naked. i ache to kiss her lips and see her legs as walls and not her instrument to walk with. don't get me wrong, that's one of the most precious sights i'll ever see, but i want more. i want to see her spread out in bed for me. i want her sex. i want her lust since i can't have her love. i want her hate. i want her wrath on my body. i want to wear the wounds proudly and say "yes, these are her teeth on my shoulders. yes, these are her nails buried deep in my back. yes, this is my face painted red with her palm." i want to identify her finger prints on my body like a detective looking for a murder. kill me again, i beg you. i want my mouth all over her. every centimeter of her body touched with my hands. every centimeter kissed with my lips. not missing a single freckle. i want to taste all of her with the tip of my tongue. i want her to taste herself on me. and to know that i am her property. i want to be like her own vineyard. i want her smell on my hands and her taste on my lips. i want so badly for her tongue to be more than friend's with mine. i want our tongues to go dancing together and not just talk to eachother. i want to be able to see her and not have to fight an urge to rip her clothes off with my teeth. i want this woman so badly it hurts. i've never wanted the sweet music of gasps and sighs and moans on my ear. and at times muffled with my kiss. i've never wanted to be someone's laugh. i cry because i can't have her. it's a yearning i am no longer willing to cope with. i want her body, all of her body. i've never wanted someone so perfect and so unattainable. i want you all, if not forever, at least once.