i dared to love you.

i like her. i like her very much, but shouldn't i be half in love with her already? i mean, it happened with you. did you really break me and now i'm unrepairable, incapable of falling in love with anyone again? see, i like her very much, but if i was given a chance to pick between you and her, i'd still pick you, without an ounce of hesitation. i feel like my hands are nailed to the floor and all i can do is shrug about anything related to you. i don't want to be in love with her, i don't. but i also don't want to feel like it won't happen again. you can't be the last person i fell in love with, you just can't. it's not fair. i'm always dealing with these battles in my head. it's you versus every single girl i meet and you always win. somehow, you just always win. i'm waiting for you to lose. i'm waiting for someone to take you down this pedestal i've kept you on for so long. now, don't get me wrong, i am not in love anymore, but feelings still exist and feelings will always exist. and i have to live with the fact that you will always hurt. i just hate that i can't get you out of my heart. and even more than that, i hate that i can't let anyone in. loving you was the only thing i knew how to do and i couldn't do it right.