it's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball.

as i lay in bed with a woman who said she once loved me, we talk about you. we talk about you because to her, you're a mystery. because this, you and me, not us, you and me, our friendship or whatever it's called, is the most fascinating thing to her. she doesn't understand it. to her, you're a legend. she asks me why it is i've hurt for you for so long if we hardly had any physical contact. and i tell her that holding hands with you is better than than any physical contact i've had with any other woman. sex, fucking, kissing, holding hands, hugging. they don't come close to your hand holding mine. because my heart's never beat as heavy as it did that day. because i've never been happier in my life than when the palms of our hands touched. she gives me this face, similar to one that you made back in december that broke my heart because that face you made wasn't for me.

did you know that eventhough i've had girlfriends before you came along, you were the only one whose hand i cared to hold? i don't remember holding hands with anyone before you. it never happened in my memory. as we talk about it and i try not to let me feelings get the best of me, she asks if i ever told you i was in love with you before the mess happened. and then it hits me again. i did. i told you every single night that i loved you. i was full of "i love you, baby" and so were you. i wasn't like that before you came along. not even with joann. i've always been a mush but never like this. her next question is if i had ever said i love you to anyone else before you. and my answer is no. i had been in love before you came into my life, but i never told samantha or joann that i was in love with either. and once again it hits me. i think the reason it's taken me so long to get over you is because i had never opened up like this. not like this, not fully. i hadn't cut myself open completely for anyone. you cut me open and you didn't need to use a knife, you used words. the thing with those words is that they left me bleeding. her final question was if you had ever told me that you were in love with me. it was hard for me to answer because in reality we never said these things, we wrote them down to eachother, via text or via facebook or aim. but you did. you told me numerous times that you were in love with me. the reason you've hurt for so long is because you are the closest i have come to loving and being loved, even if the feelings on your part weren't there. i thought they were and for that short time, i was happy. for the first time in my life the woman i loved actually loved me back, or so i thought. i loved you. i loved you like i never thought in my wildest dreams that i was going to ever love anyone. and loving you, although painful, has been beautiful. because to add to the reasons of why it's taken me so long to get over this, is that you are an amazing person. and when i say you are pure gold, it's because you are pure fucking gold. you put diamonds to shame. and your good looks definitely didn't help me get over it sooner. you are the sun and the moon and the stars. you are the sky when it's blue and you are sunflowers smiling back at you, bathed in sun and beautiful white clouds. you are tulips as they bloom. you are three notebooks full of words. you are a girl's blog of over 500 posts. you are the cherry on top of every sundae. and a beautiful sunday morning. you are the saved texts on my cell phone. you are my aorta. you're my lungs. you are marry me, half a person, silver soul, half mast, and the suburbs. and every single decemberists song. and two band of horses' songs. you are the ***** on my left arm. you are my great expectations and hotel chevalier. you're my purple hoodie and my purple vans. you're san diego's perfect weather. you're you. and being in your presence will always be my pleasure. i guess i will never have a real reason as to why it's taken me so long to get over something you once called "i don't want to say not important". the only explanation is that it's you, whatever that means, it's you. i've said it before, you're like a renaissance woman. you have it all. beauty, intellect, and humor. it doesn't get any better than you.

i can no longer kiss her after this conversation so i came home.

Damien Rice- Cannonball


there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it's still a little hard to say what's going on

there's still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that i can't say what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

there’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
there’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that i can´t see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon.

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to cry
so come on courage, teach me to be shy
coz it's not hard to fall,
And i don't want to scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't want to lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know