your face is fading from my memory. yes, there are pictures on the internet and pictures on my phone and on my computer. and even a picture of you inside a wallet i no longer use. but your face in my eyes is fading. and it scares the shit out of me sometimes because i've kept you here, inside my head and inside my heart, for so long. because eventhough i only got to kiss you once, i had your taste on my mouth the following morning. i found a dollar a day or two after that happened and i haven't spent it. it's my "lucky dollar". and the two times i saw you after that i always meant for you to write on it, i just never knew how to ask you to. i somehow relate that dollar to you, just like most things in my life. because i do see you everywhere and i do look for you everywhere, even in the women i date. i see you, i hear you, and i smell you everywhere. you set my bar and you set it high and i hated that. it set unreachable standards, therefore i was never satisfied, until now. i'll say it now like i said it to you once, i saw you as perfect. so how can i top perfection? or even reach it again? i can't. i will never find and love another you because there is no other you. but your face is fading. it's fading from my dreams and it's fading from my reality. i don't think you and i will cross paths again. and as each day passes i am more certain of this. so your face will eventually disappear completely from my eyes because you will never be in my presence again. i won't know what you look like in person anymore. and that makes me a little sad. i'll probably stop writing as often here too. i've pretty much ran out of words. i will say this though: your pictures were up on my wall for a really long time. and your name was carved on my arm almost a year ago. if i knew how to make this private i would post a picture. and for a while i would write your name down everywhere. on paper, on foggy mirrors and windows, on really cold bottles of wine, on my arm, wherever there was dust, on ashes, everywhere i could. and i will say it for the last time anywhere: I FUCKING LOVED YOU. WITH EVERYTHING I HAD, WHICH WASN'T ENOUGH, BUT I LOVED YOU. WITH MY HEART AND MY SOUL AND MY BODY. WITH EVERY KNOT THAT EVER BUILT IN MY THROAT AND EVERY SINGLE TEAR THAT I CRIED. WITH EVERY LAUGH AND MEMORY I HAVE. I WILL PROBABLY NEVER CRY THE WAY I CRIED OVER YOU. AND I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER LOVE ANYONE THE WAY I LOVED YOU. SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN THINK WANT TO. ANYONE IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AND I HOPE TO GOD THEY APPRECIATE ALL THAT IS YOU AND THEY EMBRACE EVERY SINGLE FLAW. AND REALIZE THAT YOU ARE WORTH ALL THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS IN THE WORLD IN EVERY LANGUAGE. AND THAT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE UNIVERSE. SO WHOEVER IS BY YOUR SIDE SHOULD KNOW THAT THEY HAVE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO THEM AND THEY HAVE THE UNIVERSE IN THEIR ARMS. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE AND I WILL ALWAYS CARE. I'M SORRY I WASN'T ENOUGH BUT NEVER SORRY I MET YOU AND NEVER SORRY I FELL FOR YOU THE WAY I DID. AND JUST REMEMBER THAT THERE IS AT LEAST ONE PERSON OUT THERE WHO WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, NOT EVERYONE CAN SAY THAT.
i guess this is kind of a goodbye. i'm glad you're happy and i'm glad i'm happy too.
YOUR EYES ARE A LABYRINTH AND I'LL WALK IT BLINDFOLDED.
i'd swim across lake Michigan
i'd sell my shoes
i'd give my body to be back again
in the rest of the room
to be alone with you
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