illuminate the "no's" on their vacancy signs.

for the first time in a really long time i feel like i can breathe and i will be able to breathe for longer. like whatever was pressing on my stomach has really been lifted and i've been able to stand up and walk away. i can smile just because i'm fucking alive. because i can inhale and exhale as i please. and because eventhough i've had my share of not so pleasant experiences with love, i've felt it. i won't love you for the rest of my life, i know that now. we can't rely on on people to make us happy, so i won't anymore. in the end, you end up more unhappy than you were to begin with.the last straw was (i hope) the last straw. it was fun (not really) falling apart and crying and wanting to die and cutting and doing other kinds of shit to my body for a while. i've had my share of headaches and my share of sleepless nights. i've said it before and i'll say it again, there's always gonna be that earthquake whose name will always make my heart skip a little. but that earthquake's damage is pretty much done. what was said, was said. and what was done, was done. i can take it. i'm done. i feel fine. i haven't been this okay in a long long time. and with a little more effort and a little more time i will be fantastic. i know that i can't be happy all the time and there will be time when i miss something or i've had a bad day and it's okay to feel that way. i just refuse to fall apart every time someone breaks my heart or something is said and done by certain people. i can breathe now. and there's nothing anyone can do or say to stop my breathing. my smiles are genuine now, they aren't fake. i missed this.


a pretty tanager.