silver souls.

i went to dinner with omar today. one of our little hangouts that are always the best time ever. we went to hillcrest since we wanted burgers, but real burgers. none of that fast food shit. real burgers. we went to city delicatessen and ordered two manhattan burgers. omar ordered a black cherry soda and i had a dr. pepper. we played three songs from the little jukebox they have but i made a mistake the first time and played a song i had never heard until today. you were in my mind the whole time. the whole fucking time. i couldn't sleep last night. i was uneasy since i got home. something was bothering me and for whatever reason i began to read our old aim conversations, something i haven't done in months, and i cried, because i was madly in love and i thought my feelings were at least half shared. i was reading one from late july when you're super pissed off at me because of something omar said. it's funny now. at that point i still didn't know what was bothering me. i went away for a while and when i came back i opened google and your page is like recorded or whatever when i go on tumblr, so it always goes to your page first, and i read about your grandpa. no one probably believes me and i don't care, but i think that's why i was feeling shitty. somehow i kinda knew, i guess, that there was something going on and i think that's what was making me feel sad. i can't stop thinking about you. not in romantic way, just about you're feeling. i hate that you hate me because i wish i could be there for you. whether in person or just, i don't know, around. i wish this hadn't happened. i wish you still had your grandpa. i wish i could make all your pain go away. i wish you had nothing but good things and good people around you. if i had one wish, it would be for you to have everything you want and need, including you not having any kind of pain. we probably won't ever talk again, at least not for a real long time, but i never meant anything bad. and eventhough i miss you, i think we're both better off without being in eachother's lives. but i went off track like usual. i just hope you're okay. i hope your sadness doesn't last too long. nothing but best wishes for you, my love.