dear ....., i miss you.

i hate missing you. mostly because i can't do anything about it but also because i know i don't even cross your mind. i hate that we have friends in common and seeing your name on their pages. and i especially hate it when you say something referring to your ex boyfriend. i hate it. i wish i could do something to make me not miss you. to make me forget you. to make me forget all the shit you said to me, the pretty things especially. i miss you. i miss you everyday, even when i lie to myself that i don't. i miss you right now. i miss you so much that i'm physically hurting. the knot in my throat stings because i'm fighting stupid tears from cascading down my cheeks. i'm just not strong enough for this. i hate it. i wish i could hate you. i don't. i can't. i miss you. i love you.

block me from shit so i can't see your name anymore. your name hurts too.