i've written about this before but..
i find comfort in going back to the past. i find that comfort by knowing that at the moment something went wrong and i wanted to die, i didn't. even when i was sure i was going to. when the pain was agonizing and all i wanted was for it to end. it comforts me that i didn't. that i didn't die. that i'm here right now, alive and kicking. it comforts me because these past weeks all i've wanted is to die, to curl up and fade away. knowing that this is a familiar feeling soothes me in a strange way. because i know i'll get through this. however painful it is, i will get past it and move on. and yes, it's gonna hurt for longer but i'm prepared for it. i know i will be okay eventually.
the past is the only place i feel safe because, well, it's the past. whatever hurt already hurt and it hurts no more. it won't hurt again.
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