two broken hearts don't beat any less.

i'm trying so hard to get over you. i can't. i don't know why, i just fucking can't. lately i feel so tired. you being in my heart and head is tiring. it brings nothing but sadness to my life. i want to get over you. loving you is the hardest thing to deal with. you're so easy to love. i fell at your feet and i would have eaten from there if it meant you'd be with me. i'm tired. i'm tired of not thinking about anything but you. of you being the only thing that goes around my head. i'm tired of you having my heart but not wanting it. i'm tired of writing about you. i'm tired. so tired. so sick. i'm tired of being in love with you. my life shouldn't revolve around a girl who doesn't love me and who lied to me about doing so. i love you but get out. it's too much now. for too long. there's no improvement on my feelings. no lesser love for you. my pain and sadness are still the same from august 31. the same. i still cry myself to sleep almost every night. i still dream with you. still day dream. the only thing that's changed is that i don't expect your texts. i don't expect you to talk to me. at least that's a little comforting. that i don't expect anything from you. not even a friendship or whatever. i like that. because when you do say something, it's a little surprise and it makes me somewhat happy. even if you talk about him. i know that he is your Paige, if that makes any sense. so i am aware that whatever sadness you're feeling, he will most likely be the reason. just like you are the reason i am sad and the reason i hurt and the reason life has no meaning these days. i want to get over you. i want to find something to make me get over you. to make me hate you. i can't find anything. i've told you you're perfect and i mean it. i can't find anything i don't like. anything i hate. not even that you were confused about your feelings towards me. not even that can make stop being in love with you. i want to find something. give me something. give something of yours i can hate. something. anything. make me find an actual flaw. let it surface. please. i don't want to be like this. i can't be like this much longer. let me hate you. let me be so angry at you that i fucking despise you with every bone of my body. just give me anything. i love you but loving you hurts more than anything else. loving you is all i know how to do and i can't keep up with this.