the meaning of pain.

i wanted my pain to mean something. i stopped trying or whatever because i knew i wasn’t going to make you happy, because i knew that i wasn’t who you wanted. what you wanted. not back then. not now. not ever. i knew this. but i thought you were at least somewhat happy, therefore, i didn’t mind the pain. i wanted to hurt over something i couldn’t do anything about. i don't wanna hurt if you're unhappy because that makes my pain meaningless and i want that, at least that, to mean something.