Depeche Mode- World In My Eyes

let me take you on a trip
around the world and back
and you won't have to move
you just sit still

now let your mind do the walking
and let my body do the talking
let me show you the world in my eyes

i'll take you to the highest mountain
to the depths of the deepest sea
and we won´t need a map
believe me

now let my body do the moving
and let my hands do the soothing
let me show you the world in my eyes

that's all there is
nothing more than you can feel now
that's all there is

let me put you on a ship
on a long, long trip
Your lips close to my lips

all the islands in the ocean
all the heaven's in motion
let me show you the world in my eyes

that's all there is
nothing more than you can touch now
that's all there is

let me show you the world in my eyes

you said it was night inside my heart, it was. you said it should tear a kid apart, it does.

i wasn't aware of this fire inside
that burns wild like forests in october
with a single match
making green life into ashes
it grows withing
and boils my words
expanding from my head to toes
it clenches my jaw
and sharpens my nails
and turns who looks at her into sand
it digs like your nails on my back
and squeezes like your legs around my head
with words that cut
and looks that kill
we do this all for the thrill

you are someone else, i am still right here.

i don't love you expecting you to love me back
i don't love you because it feels right
i love you just because
without reason or explanation
without limits and in excess
i love you to the moon and back
and back to the moon
because only stars can come remotely close to matching your beauty
and they still fall short
i love you
just because

dear (part II),

i write this because i am upset, like i have been for a while, about *****. i'm gonna tell you really quickly about the first time i saw *****. we were formally introduced by my best friend saturday, june 26th of last year. the moment she sat down next to me, as i moved my legs to rub against hers, i knew. i knew that this woman was going to be the girl who set the bar. i knew at that moment that this girl was eventually going to tear my heart into pieces. i knew she was going to kill me. i didn't know i was going to die only two months later, but i knew she was going to be my death. the moment she looked at me as i texted her to stop talking to the old man next to her, i was mesmerized by her eyes. her gaze built a knot in my throat and i knew. i'm upset because last year, i would have given her that asshole whose name i will not write, just to make her happy. because her happiness has and will always come before mine. as disgusting as that sounds, it is. because if she asked me right now "give him to me" i would, even if it hurt. because in my 24 years, she has had the strongest, craziest, even most absurd impact on my life. because i have never loved anyone, anything more than i loved her. i'm upset because i found a diamond and i lost it without even having it my arms. because those eyes shine even in the dark but they don't shine for me. you have her. i never did. and every day since i met her, i've gone over and over what i could have done differently so she would have stayed with me, so she would have loved me and i can't find my answer. i will not insult you because i know this time isn't like last year's situation. i know you're different. i know it by the way she talks about you. because i know you're not just some stupid boy with a pretty face and stupid charm. i know you're different. i don't know much and don't care to know any more, but i know that. she loves you. she loves you the way i loved her. she loves you the way i can only dream someone will love me one day. the way i would have wanted her to love me. i'm upset because i don't have what it takes to make her happy. i'm upset because the people who can, won't. i'm upset because you have the only thing i've ever truly wanted and you're not cherishing her like you should. you're about to lose the universe, i hope you know that and i hope you're ready for it because it's the most painful feeling in the world.

ugh.

god damnit.
god fucking damnit.

Richard Hawley- For Your Lover Give Some Time

i'll give up this cigarette
stay at home and watch you mend the tears in your dress
have your name in a rose tattooed across my chest
and be your lover for all time

maybe i will drink a little less
come home early and not complain about the day
and give you flowers from the graveyard now and then
for your lover give some time

i like my girls insane.

"you can see me naked if you want. merry christmas."

can you feel my heart beating like a hammer?

i want the soles of your feet, bare against my back
and your heels pressing as my mouth does what it has to do
as it does its job
like no one else has ever done it
i want to feel the shivers
and the goosebumps of your legs on my hands
i want your scent on my face
on my hands
and your taste on my lips
all of you
on my lips

you're the only thing i ever want anymore.

And all i can think of now is your pale legs resting over my shoulders.

forgive the kids, for they don't know how to live.

"i love you. when are we having our drunken interpol/beach house date? i've memorized most of the lyrics to both already, just for you... just promise to love star wars!"

this is the most pleasant message i've received in some time.

my thoughts are so loud i can't hear my mouth.

i feel numb. i keep watching sad movies to see if i feel something and i don't feel much. i feel numb to people and things. i feel like instead of breaking out of my shell, i reinforced it. all i want to do these days is get drunk, smoke, and dance. and i find myself wanting to just have sex. nothing "meaningful", just sex. sex with girls who are just for that, for sex. who i know are using me for it. maybe that way i will feel like shit afterwards and i won't feel this way. but then i can't because i can't have sex with just anyone. i couldn't sleep last night and i've officially been up since 4:30 am. everything is running and i can't seem to catch it so i feel stuck, standing, looking for an opportunity to keep going, but i'm just watching the world pass me by. i feel nothing. the only reason i know i'm alive is because you exist, and sometimes i have a hard time with that too.

the scent of lemon drips from your eyes.

i wear your words like gloves
even when they feel like a scalpel

Empire Of The Sun- Half Mast


come on now can we talk about it like we used to talk about
hotel in the hills with a carousel
farmhouse in the front a tractor in the lounge

oh oh oh honey i need you round i know i know

listen now can we talk in love and walk the town
be easy now, go hiking through the hills in a summer gown
raise the kids, peace within and make our sound

hear me now, i'm down on knees and praying
though my faith is weak
without you so please baby please give us a chance
make a mends and i will stand until the end
a million times a trillion more

oh oh oh honey i need you round i know i know

smile baby don't cry
i will only fly with you by my side
baby i'm cornered now
baby don't push me out
lately i walk in doubt
maybe it's crashing down
baby can you save it now

oh oh oh honey i need you round i know i know
oh oh oh honey i need you round i know i know

baby i'm cornered now
baby don't push me out
lately i walk in doubt
maybe it's crashing down

baby i'm cornered now
baby don't push me out
lately i walk in doubt
maybe it's crashing down

no direction or cause.

mermaids know how to swim
but not in oceans of her own tears
and i would swallow all the water
to keep your lungs from harm
through shallows rivers i would swim
to keep you here with me

The Concretes- Lovin' Kind


she needed lovin' in the morning
he kept asking her why
to be held and comfort
in her bravest time
instead he gave her a feeling
she should run and hide
without knowing direction or cause
if you were my lovin' kind
you wouldn't ask me why
but you're not my lovin' kind
you turn to her, you turn to me, you turn to her
she woke up tired of runnin'
decided to stay all day
to seek comfort in herself
and when it's time for her awakenin'
she'll do it alone
without needing to say
direction or cause
if you were my lovin' kind
you wouldn't ask me why
but you're not my lovin' kind
you turn to her, you turn to me, you turn to her.

like crazy.

i've never wanted to see someone naked as bad and desperately as i want to see you naked.



i'm gonna drive myself insane if this doesn't stop.

to paige.

you know, i don’t go on your blogspot anymore. at least not as much as i used to. and the reason for this is that i don’t want that knife in my gut to twist every time i read something beautiful, whether it’s something happy or something sad. i hate that feeling. the same one that is building a knot in my throat as i type this and is making my fingers stiff. i hadn’t gone on it in some time and i hoped that the next time i read it, it was something nice. even if it hurt, i’d rather read something happy than something sad. i made the mistake of going on it right now and everything feels again like it’s coming down on me. this is the hold on me that you have that i am trying dearly to let go of. the one where your sadness radiates out of your body and onto my soul. and it holds me still, shackled to my bed, with a clenched jaw, to fight the ocean from flooding me with all these sad things that i don’t want anymore. i hate it when you’re sad. and i hate it for two reasons. reason number one is that you’re hurting and you don’t deserve to hurt. you deserve to be loved and held and kissed and looked at with nothing but the urge for someone to make two people into one. to merge souls and hold hearts in hands but always keeping them close to their chest. your eyes and cheeks deserve to caressed with happy tears only. the ones that come from laughter and your stomach hurts but it’s the hurt you welcome with open arms. cries of joy are the only reason you should cry. the second reason is that i hurt when you hurt. obviously not the way you’re hurting but i do hurt. everything you do or say has some sort of effect on me. everything. you being sad has the strongest and shittiest one. i have the worst timing. i hope you feel better.

p.s. stop giving me reasons to write, i'm trying to stop.

yes, it says paige. the minute i read this i thought of you. this picture isn't recent, by the way.

you, soft and only. you, lost and lonely. you, strange as angels.

she smells expensive
like cigarettes and chanel
the first thing that comes to mind is
how exquisite she'd look wrapped in nothing but a white towel
with bare feet
walking on a soft, white carpet
as i sit and watch
she drops the towel
and it piles at her feet
but she's dressed
in almost all black
wearing boots that she loves to walk in
"with a purpose"
and tights that i'd love to see off
she sits next to me
and all i can think of is how beautiful her face is
i try not to look at her
her face makes me smile
with a few drinks in me i'll be honest if she asks why i'm smiling
i try to rub my leg on hers
it doesn't happen as smoothly as i'd like
a friend has had too much to drink
it's time to go home
i never thought this was the night that was going to mark my death
i did know that this woman was going to kill me
but i didn't know how badly it would hurt

this became my song to you after i saw you on your birthday last year. i was always too embarrassed to tell you. but things are different now.

Control Freq- Sweetest Day


if there were words as large as my love i'd say them
if there were notes as beautiful as you i'd play them
and if i could make the world stop for you i'd do it
take your hand, ease your pain, and get you through it
today is the sweetest day to be with you
god only knows how you appraise me
but words cannot describe how you amaze me
if i could conquer all your fears for you i'd show you
that i'm the one, i'll lead the way just like i told you
today is the sweetest day to be with you
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
coz you're mine
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
in my time
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
coz you're mine
could i have failed to let you know how much you mean to me
is there somewhere i could show where to make you see
everything i do, i do for you
everything i do, i do for you
today is the sweetest day
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
coz you're mine
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
coz you're mine
if there were words as great my love i'd say them
if there were notes as beautiful as you i'd make them
and if i could make the world stop for you i'd do it
take your hand, ease your pain, and get you through it
god only knows how you appraise me
but words cannot describe how you amaze me
misunderstandings, bitter days, hurtful words spoken in haze
may i tell you now that life without you is no life at all
you are my love and that is all
that is all
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
coz you're mine
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
in my time
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
coz you're mine
today is the sweetest day i've ever ever had
in my time

you devil bird, you evil still. part IV

your hands are the loveliest noose
the kind that you'd love your lungs to collapse to
when life is pretty
death at your hands is beautiful

Washed Out- Feel It All Around


you feel it all around yourself
you know it's yours and no one else
you feel the thought of learning again
it's all around
you're tired of all the things you did
you'll work it out

you feel it all around yourself
you know it's yours and no one else
you feel the thought of learning again
it's all around
you're tired of all the things you did
you'll work it out

you devil bird, you evil still. part III

my hands were unkind to her. like if they rejected her skin. like a piercing that won't heal. as if every cell on my body had formed some kind of defense mechanism against her. she was like static. like two magnets trying to come together but doing nothing but push eachother away. her negative pulled away from mine. and her positive fell apart with mine. because together, we were like two tigers at eachother's throats, but craved eachother like a running gazelle. anxiously expecting it. anxiously waiting to jump at it from behind. on the hunt. on our toes. except, i wanted her. she wanted me dead. she wanted my soul since she already had my heart. but somehow nothing ever worked out. after sixteen months my hands built callouses to harm her body, given the chance. to wrap them around her neck and tighten my grip. like the devil's noose around a fallen angel. i thought this would make me feel closer to heaven. instead, she brought me down to hell where i burn happily for eternity, next to her.

The Weeknd- What You Need


i just wanna take you there
de dont gotta know it
does he touch you here like this
lemme take the friction from your lips

and i'ma love you girl
the way you need
ain't no one will stop us
ain't no one will stop us
and i'ma give you girl
oh what you find
i'm the drug in your veins
just fight through the pain

he's what you want
i'm what you need
what you need
what you need
i'm What you need
what you need
what you need
he's what you want
i'm what you need
what you need
what you need
i'm what you need
what you need
what you need

i've got everything you want with me
i'll do everything he does times three
and he don't gotta know
i got you on the floor
doing things you've never thought you'd do
baby, leave the high heel shoes
coz i love it when you're looking down on me
lookin' up at you
and i don't give a damn, shorty
watch me knock your boots off

i've been looking for answers, i've been shouting out names.

i often wonder why some people are interested in who i am. not in a romantic way necessarily, just interested. my best friend is the most amazing, intelligent, funny person i've ever met. i wonder what it is about me that he's stuck around for ten years. there is nothing special about me. i am not funny in an appealing way. i am nowhere near as intelligent as he is. he writes these beautiful semi fiction/semi non fiction stories that will make many have goosebumps and he draws like an artist. you see him and you instantly are intrigued. the things that come out of his mouth, the things he writes, the way he looks, everything is interesting. and then there's me. i know i'm a good friend, i may not be good at anything but being a friend is something i know i am. but i am surrounded by all these amazingly talented people. and i have nothing. this does also go to some of those girls that have been a bit interested in me who are fascinating human beings. i will never understand how someone like joann, with a child, with a near death experience, intelligent, beautiful, could ever be interested in me. i'll never understand how someone who looks like zooey deschanel could even speak to me, let alone be interested in me, even if it was very little and for a very short time. but i'll never understand why someone with that wit and that sarcasm and with that beauty and intelligence could ever find me appealing when there is absolutely nothing special about me. i have no talent, i am not blessed with good looks, and i'm not the most intelligent either. so i don't get it. and i ain't gonna lie or brag, but the girls i date are fucking amazing. they are beautiful and intelligent, which is why i wonder such things. same goes with my close friends. i am glad to be surrounded by amazing people, especially omar. but i do wonder how people could possibly find me interesting when i have so little to offer.

just to lay with you, there's nothing that i wouldn't do.

one of my favorite things in the world is watching you eat
only second to feeling your fingers on my back
third is listening to you speak
followed by being consumed by your scent
in between watching you smile
another is the way you rearrange your feet
on the couch, legs crossed, on the table
your flipping me off
and your looking over my phone
you are like a renaissance woman of beauty and intelligence
you have it all

these are just a few of the many things i adore about you.

junio 26, dos mil diez.

i have what i'm holding in my hands up in my wall.

i believe the world, it spins for you.

you are the words uttered out of my mouth
the ones that always come with some type of feeling
the ones that are always said to someone other than you
not with my voice
not to your face
you are that sentiment that carves at my skin
like a brand new razor blade tasting its first drop of blood
you are cold hands on my bare back
that i can only pray i will learn to keep warm
but never mind as long as it's my skin your nails are digging in
you are that urge i get of jumping off a building
because that feeling is so excruciatingly divine
you need a big enough impact to know it's real
a pinch does absolutely nothing

Sia- Moon

she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.

when i see you, my knee caps shake
and that's because gravity is trying to pull me in to greet you in a proper manner

"you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you." - Jane Austen

Jeff Buckley- Lover, You Should've Come Over


looking out the door
i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
parading in a wake of sad relations
as their shoes fill up with water

maybe i'm too young
to keep good love from going wrong
but tonight, you're on my mind so
you never know

broken down and hungry for your love
with no way to feed it
where are you tonight?
child, you know how much i need it
too young to hold on
and too old to just break free and run

sometimes a man gets carried away
when he feels like he should be having his fun
much too blind to see the damage he's done
sometimes a man must awake to find that, really
he has no-one

so i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
will i ever see your sweet return?
oh, will i ever learn?
oh, lover, you should've come over
coz it's not too late

lonely is the room the bed is made
the open window lets the rain in
burning in the corner is the only one
who dreams he had you with him
my body turns and yearns for a sleep
that won't ever come
it's never over
my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
it's never over
all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
it's never over
all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
it's never over
she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

we are in high demand, us people who suffer. because we don't take to arguing and we are quick to surrender.

if my hands are too rough, i'll wear suede gloves
if my eyes are too dark, i'll look into the sun
if they are too light, i'll stare at your feet
if i'm too loud, kiss me to shut up
if i'm too quiet, i'll pinch myself to speak up
if my nails are too short, paint them for me
if they are too long, i'll bite them off
if i have too many freckles, i'll try to change skin color
if my ears are too big, i'll hide them behind my hair
if my arms have too much hair on them, i'll shave them
if my voice is too annoying, i'll write to you
if i'm too ugly, i'll make it semi-pretty with makeup
but please, try not to look at it

i'm not young enough to know everything.

i'd tell you how much i love you in an elegant way, but i'm not sophisticated. so i'll show you.