you devil bird, you evil still. part II

for the past month and a half i've been trying not to let all these similarities bother me and i had been doing a really good job at it, until today. for the past year i've been trying to avoid music, movies, certain retail stores, even certain clothing of mine just so i am not overwhelmed with memories that i just don't want to remember. good or bad, but especially the good ones. there are some things i can't escape and one of them is you. you're everywhere. april wears the same perfume you wear or used to wear. and i knew, i just tried to not let it get to me. i tried really hard to pretend i wasn't smelling you in her long, brown hair. i tried really hard to pretend you weren't there in the runway of her neck. even her eyes look just like yours. the similarities are endless. and i know it's bound to happen when i will find such familiar traits in people, but these are so present. i see them almost every day. it all began today when she left her top drawer open and i saw that little bottle of poison i call miss dior cherie. that little bottle of hell disguising as heaven. the cap off, placed sloppily next to it, rolling over to the corners of the brown drawer, next to combs and brushes and a straightening iron. next to little particles of dust collecting over the last three months. hair ties and bobby pins scattered next all around it. it's the home of her accessories. but it was there. just standing there, looking at me. tempting, begging me to take a whiff of it. as if smelling it on april wasn't enough. i closed the drawer and continued to put my clothes back on. unfortunately i can't get that smell off my mind and off my nose. i can smell you without your body being next to me. i can smell you from here. i can smell you now.

Big Scary- Got It, Lost It


think you caught it
think you got it
think you lost what you had
will never get back to you
why this hurt inside my head?
nothing can keep you
throw it back instead
why this pain inside my heart?
nowhere to run
let's take it back to the start
it's in my heart
it's in my head
it's in the shape of a false feeling
it's in my heart
it's in my head
why this stain upon my thoughts?
i feel it haunting me in my dreams