this tornado loves you.

because i accidently clicked on the wrong fucking thing this morning. and because this inconsistency is going to kill me. your power over me is mind blowing and it's kicking my ass this morning.

me: what are you gonna steal?
you: your heart. and then i'm gonna eat it.
me: hahahahahaha. eat it.
you: i could never fuck up that way.
me: why not?
you: because it would be a part of me forever.
me: you don't want that. trust me.
you: i think it's too late.
me: what's too late?
you: being a part of me forever.


you: i don't know how i feel about him. but i know i love you.

"there are those rare people that you meet that you're willing to accept almost anything just to have a piece of them." -S.

and i did. i always said, that i would rather hurt talking to you, than not talk to you at all. and that was the same with having a piece of you. for a long time, thinking about you not talking to me made me have panic attacks. it was something i couldn't bare. it was really scary and it kept me in a really dark place, one that i had no idea how i was gonna get out of and i didn't bother to look for a solution. because i think, subconsciously, i was comfortable. comfortable living in this familiar, yet never-felt pain. i was okay wanting to die for you. it's very strange. i wanted to have you around no matter how much it hurt. whether you had a boyfriend or not. i remember how shitty it would feel to see you talk about that asshole i hate. it would ruin my day. but i wanted to be there, as your "friend" even when i never saw you as that. and even when i knew that it was all you and i would ever have and it hurt to know that that was it. i really was willing to accept whatever i could take to have something of you. even a word. even a whisper. anything.

this is incomplete. i'm upset now and i can't write.