fall asleep in your branches, you're the only thing i ever want anymore.

that feeling in my stomach isn't letting me do anything. and my heart beating super fast doesn't help. ican'tbreathe. god damnit.

The National- Conversation 16



i think the kids are in trouble
do not know what all the troubles are for
give them ice for their fevers
you're the only thing i ever want anymore
we live on coffee and flowers
try not to wonder what the weather will be
i figured out what we're missing
i tell you miserable things after you are asleep

now we'll leave the silver city coz all the silver girls
gave us black dreams
leave the silver city coz all the silver girls
everything means everything

it's a hollywood summer
you'll never believe the shitty thoughts i think
meet our friends out for dinner
when i said what i said i didn't mean anything
we belong in a movie
try to hold it together 'til our friends are gone
we should swim in a fountain
do not want to disappoint anyone

now we'll leave the silver city coz all the silver girls
gave us black dreams
leave the silver city to all the silver girls
everything means everything

i was afraid i'd eat your brains
i was afraid i'd eat your brains
coz i'm evil
coz i'm evil

that is how i feel.

disclaimer: some of the things said aren't meant to sound that way that they are said. this is for me. for you, but for me. i blame the movie i just watched and shit and not being able to sleep. but i don't think i can sleep because of this.




all i have is all that i am feeling
all i know is all that i feel
and then i use it every day
but i abuse it every way

"oh my god, my teeth are loose!" - you

i just finished watching "like crazy" online, like a loser. to me, that movie is about that feeling you gave me. that same one that hasn't completely gone away. even after over a year. a feeling that was really only there on my part. a feeling that was a good one for less than two months. i'll never meet anyone as inspiring as you. i hope i do, but i don't think i will.

Stars- Dead Hearts


tell me everything that happened
tell me everything you saw
they had lights, inside their eyes
they had lights, inside their eyes
did you see the closing window
did you hear the slamming door?
they moved forward and my heart died
they moved forward and my heart died
please please tell me what they looked like
did they seem afraid of you?
they were kids that i once knew
they were kids that i once knew

i can say it but you won't you believe me
you say you do but you don't deceive me
it's hard to know they're out there
it's hard to know that you still care
i can say it but you won't you believe me
you say you do but you don't deceive me
dead hearts are everywhere
dead hearts are everywhere

did you touch them
did you hold them
did they follow you to town?
they make me feel i'm falling down
they make me feel i'm falling down

was there one you saw too clearly
did they seem too real to you?
they were kids that i once knew
they were kids that i once knew

i can say it but you won't you believe me
you say you do but you don't deceive me
it's hard to know they're out there
it's hard to know that you still care
i can say it but you won't you believe me
you say you do but you don't deceive me
dead hearts are everywhere
dead hearts are everywhere
i can say it but you won't believe me
you say you do but you don't deceive me
it's hard to know they're out there
it's hard to know that you still care
i can say it but you won't you believe me
you say you do but you don't deceive me
dead hearts are everywhere
dead hearts are everywhere

they were kids that i once knew
they were kids that i once knew
now they're all dead hearts to you
now they're all dead hearts to you
they were kids that i once knew
they were kids that i once knew
now they're all dead hearts to you

lights will guide you home.

where the magic happens (haha). my room. duh.

i spent my days wondering to whom i was supposed to pray. it's you.

i'm dedicating my life to music, wine, and cigarettes
since i can't dedicate it to you.

PJ Harvey- It's You



oh dear sweet mama
i'm not feeling well
can i step out
for a little while?

but i go missing
i steal away
and i go kissing
in the alleyway
all i want to do
and all i want to grow up to be
is all caught up with you
look what you're doing to me

hh dearest young man
teach me sweetheart
how to love you
i'm a clever girl
you've got me lying
you've got me leaving home
you've got me crying
when i'm alone

when i'm not with you my dreams are so very dark
When i'm not with you i dream of my hair falling out
when i'm not with you i walk dark tunnels of my heart
when i'm not with you everything comes apart

when i was younger
i spent my days
wondering to whom
i was supposed to pray

it's you.

i give myself to you alone. no more knives hang above me. please destroy me.

i can feel my skin unraveling with own eyes
like a snake that sheds during its season
as if autumn is the year when everything changes
like the cold tears down my walls and lets people in
and my fickle bones quiver with each frozen gasp
while the lithe hair on my arms freeze and drop like tiny icicles
and my freckles disappear along with the color of my hands
the skin i am living in is no longer mine

Devendra Banhart- First Song For B


watch the stream run by you
watch the indian chief
wrapped in blue corn leaves drift by you
watch you take root in the sun's palm
and rise out of the fire
no more being match wood
only rising higher
i wanna see you be the one whose first light
harbours in the new day
and see you settle into yourself
and never be afraid
now i take everything as a good sign
because i'm in love
i take everything as a sign from God

and now i give myself to you alone
no more knives hang above me
oh, b
please destroy me, please destroy me
please destroy me, please destroy me

you carried all my hopes until something broke inside.

maybe it was that the feelings in between our bodies weren't pulling us together anymore
maybe it's that i am blind when it comes to you
maybe the lines of our lips turned into a shape that didn't fit with each other any longer
maybe your hands were too small and mine were too big
and the lines of them didn't want to make love anymore
maybe our scents didn't combine to make the summer aroma they once did
and that look in your eyes faded
maybe it was because you disappeared
maybe it was because i erased you from my memory
because you still haunt me in my dreams

PJ Harvey- The Desperate Kingdom Of Love


oh love, you were a sickly child
and how the wind knocked you down
put on your spurs, swagger around
in the desperate kingdom of love
holy water cannot help you now
your mysterious eyes will not help you
selling your reason will not bring you through
the desperate kingdom of love
there’s another who looks from behind your eyes
i learn from you how to hide
from the desperate kingdom of love
at the end of this burning world
you’ll stand proud, face upheld
and i’ll follow you, into heaven or hell
and i’ll become, as a girl
in the desperate kingdom of love

things i hate:

- when good friends get bothered when you tell them something they're doing bothers you
- waking up really early when you stayed up super late
- my face being dry
- awkward situations with friends
- hangovers
- when i bite my nails and they bleed
- people's bad breath
- running out of gum
- losing my septum ring (it's a bitch to put it back in after a few hours)
- being broke
- certain boys not answering my important messages when the message is about exactly that
- being proved right about the above
- working on sundays
- the lack of sex my vagina will have to put up with for a long time
- and tumblr decides to show me a dashboard full of lesbian sex that again, i am not having
- my toms being ripped
- and how bad they smell
- apes living in vermont
- missing morrissey tonight
- not knowing if vashtai is single or not
- people's shitty attitudes
- that new shit itunes did to my library
- not finding a song i love
- when jaw doesn't crack
- missing people
- not being able to sleep
- dreaming with a certain girl
- and not remembering what the dream was about, just her presence and face
- wrong weather reports
- wearing shorts when it's super cold
- wearing a hoodie when it's hot
- waiting for a text, message, and a call that will never come
- songs that you don't listen to because they remind you of someone and catch you off guard when you shuffle your itunes library and you feel shitty for the rest of the day
- my hair
- when my hair decides it doesn't want to cooperate with me
- michelle bachman
- when google chrome doesn't hurry the fuck up
- being deleted, blocked, and unfollowed
- when people steal my lyrics
- how my black and white bra fits
- getting in trouble with the shit i write
- when my bibita gets seizures
- and when she doesn't want to sleep by my legs
- not being able to afford my beach house or sufjan stevens tattoo
- blogspot's little glitches. work, motherfucker, work!
- having to stop writing this list because i have to start getting ready for work
- many more things

hit me when you want to.

me dan ganas de aventarle el corazon a quien lo quiera
solo para que me lo rompan y me duela.

quiet hands, quiet kiss.

i can't be with someone who loves me more than i love them. i need to be the one who loves more. i want to put everything on the line and know that when it ends, i will lose everything. i've never been afraid to lose everything. especially when i've already lost you, my real everything.

Neko Case- Middle Cyclone

baby, why'm i worried now
did someone make a fool of me
'fore i could show 'em how it's done?
can't give up actin' tough,
it's all that i'm made of.
can't scrape together quite enough
to ride the bus to the outskirts
of the fact that i need love.

there were times that i tried
one for every glass of water
that i spilled next to the bed
wretching pennies in a boiling well
in a dream that it once becomes
a foundry of mute and heavy bells.
they shake me deaf and dumb
say, "someone made a fool of me
'fore i could show 'em how it's done."

it was so clear to me
that it was almost invisible.
i lie across the path waiting,
just for a chance to be a spiderweb
trapped in your lashes.
for that, i would trade you my empire for ashes.
but i choke it back, how much i need love...

hold on, coz the coldest hasn't thawed yet.

my, those quiet eyes become you.

the most painful thing in my life, even more than the death of anyone, has been being told that someone who once said that was in love with me, isn't in love with me. one of the things that upsets me the most is when the person that i have loved with all i had is hurting over someone who doesn't realize how amazing she is and that even when she is a pain in the ass, she is amazing. and it makes me hate myself for not being able to give her what it is she wanted or needed. it pisses me off that i am not the first boy, because i would have done everything in my power to make you love me. i would have made sure that a day didn't go by that i let you know that I WAS the lucky one to have you and that losing you might as well been my death. and it was, for a year it was. i really wish i had a stronger will power to not go on your things because i hate seeing that you're sad. i hate being right. i wish i had words to make you feel better, but i've been in a similar situation and nothing helped. i wish i could do something, anything. i know you're not fine tonight. i hope tomorrow is better.

and sorry for being a pain in the ass.
one of my favorite pictures. the night i met you.
by omar.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Porcelain


well i've been dragged all over the place
i've taken hits time just don't erase
and baby, i can see you've been fucked with too
but that don't mean your loving days are through

i'll stay the same.

i feel shitty today and at first i thought it was me missing april and all that. but you've been on my mind all day. which to me says whatever i am feeling has to do with you. i hope shit's okay. i might feel this way because i saw you a day before thanksgiving last year. so that might be the reason i feel slightly sad. it might just be an aidee thing. and i do hope that's it. and i hope you're feeling dandy. and if you're not, i hope your night gets better.

i said i was gonna care silently, from a distance, and i wasn't lying.
wait, they don't love you like i love you.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps

dear iPhone user who keeps going on my blogspot and sometimes does it from vannah's blogspot,

Who are and what is this business? You went on my blogspot a shitload of times last week and continue to read it. You're driving me nuts. Stop it. Thanks.

is this where the earthquakes come from?

(i am aware that this sounds dirty, but it's not)

these things are hard to swallow
they don't go down my throat with warmth
your words make me choke on nothing
a nothing that makes me cough up the lies
to breathe them back in
like water on my lungs
that will make me die


i do these things to myself.
i can't write.

we lived an adventure, a love in the summer. (for us, it was autumn)

"this is such a healthy relationship. it's sucks she has to leave." -omar

i have to keep these conversations somewhere because my memory fails at times.

apes: you're in so much trouble?
aidee: why?
apes: i was walking around in shorts today because our house gets really hot and my friend gives me this fucking look, you'd think this girl saw a ghost, then she squints and i'm still thinking what the hell is going on. she then points at my leg and starts laughing.
aidee: hahahahahaha! was it a bite mark?!
apes: yes! you knew?!
aidee: apes, how the hell did you think it wasn't gonna bruise?! how short were those shorts anyway?!
apes: first of all, i didn't think about the bruising. second of all, that was the most embarrassing thing that's happened to me while being down here. and third, you know i only wear short shorts, baby.
aidee: oh. this is the best thing ever. i wanna see such shorts on you.
apes: you suck.
aidee: no, apes, i bite! hahaha

apes: did you kiss a stripper? did you get a lap dance?!
aidee: no! no!
apes: you're such a liar!
aidee: i didn't! one of the strippers kissed me but i didn't open my mouth and i moved away. she spread her legs for me and her vagina was right in my face. but i looked away and to her face instead, it's rude to stare.
apes: she's a stripper! her job is for you to look at her!
aidee: oh, yeah. but still.
apes: i don't know what to say to you sometimes.

apes: did you know i love your lips?
aidee: i think you're just trying to get me in my pants.
apes: trying?

and this is it. i sit here, crying because i miss you already. because i know that this was most likely the last time i see you. it feels like a part of me is missing in a way. i will be okay, i am okay, but i'm missing you right this instant. you've changed something in me. it's almost as if you pulled a trigger, i'm just not sure to what yet. i wish i had these last few weeks recorded so i could replay them over and over. it's such a strange feeling. it hurts in a different way. in a way that i know that shit's gonna be okay. it's just the missing that has consumed me already. you looked beautiful every day that i saw you. in the day and in the night. we had seven weeks of endless wine and drunk nights together filled with nothing but laughs and smiles and kisses and hugs. my life is getting duller by the second. i got used to something amazing too quickly, it's gonna take some time getting used to not hearing your voice every day. i have that image of you walking away embedded in my mind. it's making me cold. thank you for allowing me to go with you to the airport. i hope life treats you amazing, my love.

"le matin je serai sobre mais vous serez toujours beaux." - the dreamers

i'll never forget that you spent your last hours in california and tijuana in my arms. i hope you never do either.

the woodsman failed to breech those fangs in time.

i've been up since six in the morning. so in a couple of hours i will have been awake for 24 hours and that's trippy feeling that i don't mind when i don't have to work. but i have to work today. the inconsistency of my heart and lungs shows that my mental stability is lacking a bit. i write about april one minute and the next i write about you. it's probably the most unstable i've been, emotionally, in a really long time. i blame that april is leaving next week. and all this neko case i've been listening to.

Neko Case- Dirty Knife


so suddenly the madness came
with its whiskered, wolven, ether pangs
he locked the door
and shut the blinds
he laid down on the floor and he slept like iron
while the dirty knife worked deep
into his spine
the blood runs crazy
the blood runs crazy

cascading letters pool on the stairs
the grass is high, the cats are wild
you can't even touch the tip of their tails
and the blood runs crazy with giant strides

he sang nursery rhymes to paralyze
the wolves that eddy out the corner of his eyes
but they squared him frozen where he stood
in the glow of the furniture piled high for firewood

and the blood runs crazy with giant strides
and the woodsman failed to breech those fangs in time
so they dragged him through the underbrush
wearing three winter coats and a dirty knife

i love you this hour.

losing sleep has never tasted this wonderful. i still can't believe you like me.


aidee: i bet i can touch your uvula with my tongue.
apes: what?!
aidee: come on, let me try!
apes: the sexual requests you propose are quite shocking sometimes. you have the weirdest fetishes, aidee.
aidee: it's not a fetish. i just wanna know if i can reach it and tickle it.
apes: i'm sure you won't have a problem doing either of those things.


i miss your lips already.

this tornado loves you.

because i accidently clicked on the wrong fucking thing this morning. and because this inconsistency is going to kill me. your power over me is mind blowing and it's kicking my ass this morning.

me: what are you gonna steal?
you: your heart. and then i'm gonna eat it.
me: hahahahahaha. eat it.
you: i could never fuck up that way.
me: why not?
you: because it would be a part of me forever.
me: you don't want that. trust me.
you: i think it's too late.
me: what's too late?
you: being a part of me forever.


you: i don't know how i feel about him. but i know i love you.

"there are those rare people that you meet that you're willing to accept almost anything just to have a piece of them." -S.

and i did. i always said, that i would rather hurt talking to you, than not talk to you at all. and that was the same with having a piece of you. for a long time, thinking about you not talking to me made me have panic attacks. it was something i couldn't bare. it was really scary and it kept me in a really dark place, one that i had no idea how i was gonna get out of and i didn't bother to look for a solution. because i think, subconsciously, i was comfortable. comfortable living in this familiar, yet never-felt pain. i was okay wanting to die for you. it's very strange. i wanted to have you around no matter how much it hurt. whether you had a boyfriend or not. i remember how shitty it would feel to see you talk about that asshole i hate. it would ruin my day. but i wanted to be there, as your "friend" even when i never saw you as that. and even when i knew that it was all you and i would ever have and it hurt to know that that was it. i really was willing to accept whatever i could take to have something of you. even a word. even a whisper. anything.

this is incomplete. i'm upset now and i can't write.

yours and mine.

your song to me.
Alanis Morissette- Head Over Feet


my song to you.
The Cure- Lovesong

i'll be sneaking out where the shivers won't find you.

can i not wake up? is this a dream that will turn into a horrid nightmare next week when you're gone? because i've had the best month and a half and it will all end in less than a week. and thinking about it makes me miss you. am i going to have to think about real things now? my life is about to become extremely boring and shitty. i don't want you to leave. i'm gonna miss your sleepy voice in the morning. and the lingering warmth of the sheets when you get up. and you sneaking your hands inside the pocket of my hoodie. i'm gonna miss the butt to crotch jokes you always make. and you playing with my ears. i guess the list of things i'm gonna miss is endless, so i'll just say i'm going to miss you. all of you. every single thing about you. starting with your patience and your interest to your wine and foreign language fascination. just, everything. my life is better because of you and i will never be able to show my gratitude for what you changed in me. i love you, i'm not in love, but i do love you. i really wish you weren't leaving. i'm a little scared about how life is gonna be when you're gone. next weeks is gonna suck.
i'm really gonna miss you, my half french, one fourth german, and one fourth mexican manzanita.

i love your long shadows and your gunpowder eyes.


aidee: you know my sheets smell like you, right?
april: of course. i make sure to smell them every time i spend the night to make sure they don't smell like anyone else.
aidee: and i'm the creepy one?!

april: can i ask you something?
aidee: yes.
april: are you holding back? be honest.
aidee: yes.
april: me too.

i can't write. this is kind of a good thing.

leave me your stardust to remember you by.

you have wrapped up my 2011
you are my autumn
you are my spring
you are my manzanita
you are my cucharita
you are my october
my november
you are my april
and i adore you

Gregory and the Hawk- Boats and Birds


if you be my star
i'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jet black and you show off your light
i live to let you shine
i live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat
i'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till i can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by

if you be my star
i'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jet black and you show off your light
i live to let you shine
i live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by
stardust to remember you by

no pills for what i fear.

all i love always lasts less than two months.

Bobby Vee- Take Good Care Of My Baby

all i can ask is that you receive all the love your body can hold
all i can ask is that you get treated like a queen
it's the least you deserve



my tears are fallin' coz you've taken her away
and though it really hurts me so
there's something that i've gotta say
take good care of my baby
please don't ever make her bluej
just tell her that you love her
make sure you're thinking of her
in everything you say and do
aww, take good care of my baby
now don't you ever make her cry
just let your love surround her
paint a rainbow all around her
don't let her see a cloudy sky
once upon a time that little girl was mine
if i'd been true, i know she'd never be with you
so, take good care of my baby
be just as kind as you can be
and if you should discover
that you don't really love her
just send my baby back home to me
well, take good care of my baby
Be just as kind as you can be
and if you should discover
that you don't really love her
just send my baby back home to me
aww, take good care of my baby
well, take good care of my baby
just, take good care of my baby

my love invented all of you.

i'm sorry if i was never gentle
it was never in my nature
but it was also never my intention
to be rough

Neko Case- Vengeance Is Sleeping


i didn’t know what a brute i was
i dipped my cigarette and rode the bus
vengeance built me hastily
and i dragged the clanging notion
i was nobody, nobody
nobody

all i had was my invention
and my love invented all of you
oh look what thoughts can do
what thoughts can do
if you’re not by now dead and buried
you’re most certifiably married
oh married

i’m sure you’re sleeping sound
with the mistress of the hours
the hours that grind your life to dust
your easy loves you keep like pets
denied them, you are powerless
whatever keeps you sleeping through the night

i’m not the man you thought i was

my love has never lived indoors
i had to drag it home by force
hired hounds at both my wrists
damp and bruised by strangers’ kisses on my lips

but you’re the one that i still miss
you’re the one that i still miss
and it’s ruthless that it comes as no surprise

i’m not the man you think i am
i’m not the man you think i am

i've freezing hands and bloodless veins.

with broken fingernails i analyze the depth of your skin
and scratch you with the jaggedness of them
i've always been rough
being gentle doesn't come with these hands
scarred with your name
and drawn to your fingers
you're the cuticles on mine
leaving my hands bleeding
i suck on the blood to comfort my digits
that won't ever be intact
since i touched your skin
since my thumb wrapped around your thumb
since my index finger wrapped around your index finger
since my middle finger wrapped around your middle finger
since my ring finger wrapped around your ring finger
since my pinky wrapped around your pinky
since your fingers fit perfectly in between my knuckles
since the lines of our hands waltz and sweated together
and your hand fell asleep while holding mine
since my hands ran its finest extremities through your long, dark hair
you're here
even when i don't see you
you are here
in between my hands
in the length of my arms
in every line on my hands
in every crevice of my knuckles
in between every layer of my skin
this is where you are
this is where i keep you
i am here
i am nowhere

Neko Case- I Wish I Was The Moon


chimney falls and lovers blaze
thought that i was young
now i've freezing hands and bloodless veins
as numb as i've become

i'm so tired
i wish i was the moon tonight

last night i dreamt i had forgotten my name
coz i had sold my soul but awoke just the same
i'm so lonely
i wish I was the moon tonight

god blessed me, i'm a free man
with no place free to go
i'm paralyzed and collared-tight
no pills for what i fear

this is crazy
i wish i was the moon tonight

chimney falls and lovers blaze
thought that i was young
now i've freezing hands and bloodless veins
as numb as i've become

i'm so tired,
i wish i was the moon tonight

how will you know if you found me at last
coz i'll be the one, be the one, be the one
with my heart in my lap
i'm so tired, i'm so tired
And i wish i was the moon tonight

i'm so tired, i'm so tired,
and i wish i was the moon
i'm so tired, i'm so tired,
and i wish i was the moon tonight

pneumonia.

i'm pissed off. i could break my hands punching a wall because i am so pissed. i'm angry and i'm sad and i'm crying and this sucks. and i just can't understand any of it and omar isn't here and i don't want to see anyone but omar and this just sucks. life is fucked up and shit is always unfair and 23 is too young to die. fuck you, pneumonia.

yarita. May 13, 1988 - November 12, 2011.

one of my friends passed away today. i've known her since i was 15. i'm pissed and sad and full of emotions because it isn't fair. how does a 23 year old die?! why?! if everything really is for a reason, i will be pissed off until the day i die until i find the reason as to why people die?! what is the purpose?! someone needs to tell me. i am never gonna understand life and why it is we are here if we're just gonna die and leave lots of people hurting behind. i haven't been this upset in a long time. i've hugged this girl. i've danced with her. she was so young. it isn't fair. i can't write anymore. all i can say is she will be greatly missed and she is loved my many. and it really was always a great joy to run into her. may she rest in peace. ♥

you devil bird, you evil still. part II

for the past month and a half i've been trying not to let all these similarities bother me and i had been doing a really good job at it, until today. for the past year i've been trying to avoid music, movies, certain retail stores, even certain clothing of mine just so i am not overwhelmed with memories that i just don't want to remember. good or bad, but especially the good ones. there are some things i can't escape and one of them is you. you're everywhere. april wears the same perfume you wear or used to wear. and i knew, i just tried to not let it get to me. i tried really hard to pretend i wasn't smelling you in her long, brown hair. i tried really hard to pretend you weren't there in the runway of her neck. even her eyes look just like yours. the similarities are endless. and i know it's bound to happen when i will find such familiar traits in people, but these are so present. i see them almost every day. it all began today when she left her top drawer open and i saw that little bottle of poison i call miss dior cherie. that little bottle of hell disguising as heaven. the cap off, placed sloppily next to it, rolling over to the corners of the brown drawer, next to combs and brushes and a straightening iron. next to little particles of dust collecting over the last three months. hair ties and bobby pins scattered next all around it. it's the home of her accessories. but it was there. just standing there, looking at me. tempting, begging me to take a whiff of it. as if smelling it on april wasn't enough. i closed the drawer and continued to put my clothes back on. unfortunately i can't get that smell off my mind and off my nose. i can smell you without your body being next to me. i can smell you from here. i can smell you now.

Big Scary- Got It, Lost It


think you caught it
think you got it
think you lost what you had
will never get back to you
why this hurt inside my head?
nothing can keep you
throw it back instead
why this pain inside my heart?
nowhere to run
let's take it back to the start
it's in my heart
it's in my head
it's in the shape of a false feeling
it's in my heart
it's in my head
why this stain upon my thoughts?
i feel it haunting me in my dreams

minus eleven.

aidee: i was talking to omar today about you, and he said you were his bride.

apes: i am! tell him i will be a good wife as long as he let's you sleep with me.

aidee: psht. like i'm even asking for permission. i will sneak into your bed and steal you away.

apes: please do.

i'm counting the days until you leave. i always think that if i count, times seems longer. it's not working out that way this time.


i miss you already.

Memoryhouse- Lately


lately
i'm not sleeping
i'm not breathing
without machine

lately
my heart's been breaking
my heart's been breaking
through the seam

shut me off
shut me up
shut me off
shut me up

we both get gray.

i hate this. i hate that you're hurting. i hate it. i'd give my left arm for your sadness to go away and fix whatever it is that's making you feel this way. i'd get on my knees and physically move your limbs for you to walk. and i'd tie strings on to your wrists for you to write. i'd give you my own heart to break to make sure yours stays intact. i'd drown in an ocean of my own tears to make sure you're still floating. and i'd drink all in to make sure you can't sink to the bottom. as hard as it is for people to believe, i hurt when you hurt. i care, and i care very very much. i want you to be happy forever, for your sanity and for mine as well.

and no, i don't think you're dirt. you should know by now that i have always and will always care about you, no matter what happens. i wouldn't have over 300 posts about you if i thought you were dirt.

to you,

i wish i could explain to you how badly i want to not go on your tumblr. but i can't. i can't because i need to know, like i need to breathe, how you're doing. something always brings me back to "el amor es una medusa" because i need to have an idea of how you are doing. i wish i didn't. a lot of times i wish i didn't give a shit, but i do. i give a shit. i care about you like i care about omar. and omar hasn't hurt me the way you've hurt me. i feel as if you have my heart squeezed in your fists and it can't get out. i don't know what's going on, all i know is what i read online. i hope someone wraps you up tightly in a blanket and let's you know they love you. i hope whatever hurts or is bothering you stops. i wish nothing but good things for you. even if you don't believe me, i do. and i hope you're warm and your house smells like cupcakes.

with unconditional love for you always,

aidee.

your brunette hair slices through my heart.

apes: you have apple lips, they're so red.
aidee: coz they're...
apes: yes, coz they're mine.

you got me used to your warmth by sleeping by my side and you made me love it.
you're gonna make me hate this cold winter

Bat For Lashes- Siren Song


in the morning i'll make you breakfast
in the evening i'll warm the bed.
and i'll always be happy to kiss you
promise i'll never get sad

can you and me remain?

i want to dissolve in your arms
and disappear into your eyes
evaporate into your pores
and vanish into your thoughts
you sleep at the bottom of my heart
play at the top of my heart
and you live at the center of my soul

together, baby.

i never thought i would feel this way again
not this well and not for a woman
you came into my life and you took me by the hand
and you haven't let go
i wanna dance with you forever
don't worry about me missing anyone
i won't anymore
only you


apes: i'm not letting you buy me anything. you always pay. i'm paying for my own this time.
aidee: that's not true. and i'm paying anyway.
apes: no, you're not.
aidee: why won't you let me pay for you?! what's the big deal?
apes: i'm not used to being treated like this. it makes me nervous.


apes: i'm buying you ice cream.
aidee: i can buy my own ice cream.
apes: well i'm gonna buy you ice cream.
aidee: i don't like people buying me things.
apes: tough shit.


thank you for spending all day with me yesterday and dancing this with me last night.

Tierra- Together


oh, we could be on a desert
lost without a place to go
but we are so in love
in love with each other
that we wouldn't even know
i don't care
any place anywhere
just as long
as we are there
baby, baby
together, baby
together, baby
baby, just you and me
how happy we'll be

my bat lightning heart wants to fly away.

i want to be indifferent. i want to be able to walk down the street and run into you and not remember who you are. i don't understand why you have this power over me. i don't fucking get it. i would have been happy unhappily with you for the rest of my life. and that's really sad.

George Harrison- Isn't It A Pity?

isn't it a pity
now, isn't it a shame
how we break each other's hearts
and cause each other pain
how we take each other's love
without thinking anymore
forgetting to give back
isn't it a pity

some things take so long
but how do i explain
when not too many people
can see we're all the same
and because of all their tears
their eyes can't hope to see
the beauty that surrounds them
isn't it a pity

isn't it a pity
isn't is a shame
how we break each other's hearts
and cause each other pain
how we take each other's love
without thinking anymore
forgetting to give back
isn't it a pity

forgetting to give back
isn't it a pity
forgetting to give back
now, isn't it a pity

what a pity
what a pity, pity, pity

i need you so, i'm ready to go.

there's times like today when i really miss you. i am not sure exactly what i miss, but i miss you. and it's days like today when i have to fight the urge of being in fashion valley and not go into macy's and see if you're there and talk to you. i had to go all around in fear that i was gonna bump into you. and the more i try to not think of you, the more your voice and your scent consumes me. you're like tourettes to me. and all i can do is cry. my biggest mistake was breathing you in and listen to you speak. i can't rip those two things out of my body.

it's not that i'm in love with you or anything, i'm not. i guess i just miss what you meant to me for so long. i blame being forced to go to fashion valley. and running into m love.

Chaka Khan- Through The Fire


through the fire
to the limit, to the wall
for a chance to be with you
i'd gladly risk it all
through the fire
through whatever come what may
for a chance at loving you
i'd take it all the way
right down to the wire
even through the fire

i'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.

i love how affectionate you are
how you kiss me in public without a care in the world
how you always reach out for my hand to hold
how you lean on my shoulder when you're tired
how you hold onto my arm when we walk
i love when you stretch out your arm for me to play with your light little hairs
i love how you smile when we're kissing
i love feeling your heart beat against me
and how your breath becomes faster the longer we kiss
i love your face when we sleep
and your cold hands on my back
and your legs tangled with mine
making a knot that can't come undone
i think i love everything about you
but i hate that you're leaving

apes: i love that when i lean my head on your shoulder, you tilt your head towards me. like to assure me that you're there with me.

The Postal Service- Such Great Heights