it’s lasted eight years and five hours with 26 minutes.

December 20, 2010.

it’s been that long since i’ve seen you. you were seventeen and i was fifteen. it sounds strange, now at 25 and 23. time flies. everything from those last fifteen minutes of your presence are remembered as if they just happened last night. the way you were sitting, with your always heavy messenger bag on top of your legs and your hair up like you always had it, uncombed. i always loved your sense of style which really wasn’t much. the same clothes everyday. sometimes you wore red socks and i thought it was the cutest thing ever. i still hate myself for getting to school later than usual that day and i still want to kick my cousin’s ass for being the reason. your voice, i think your voice is what i miss most along with your laugh and your revealed little crooked teeth. “look all you want because this is the last time you’re gonna see me.” you weren’t lying and i knew, so i did. i stared because i was certain that it really was the last time i was going to see your face and hear your voice and smell your hair. the last time i was going to sit next to you and touch you. i wanted to cherish that moment forever. fifteen minutes. that’s all i had. fifteen fucking minutes. i had never been so sad in my life. i cried all that day because you were the most important person in my life and i was just some little girl who followed you around because she was in love with you. because to you, i really was nothing and i was okay with that but it still hurt. because when you left, i stupidly thought i was gonna get a proper good bye from you and i didn’t. i never got to say good bye. you just left and i haven’t seen you since. i’ve written about you for eight years and i still continue to do so. December 20th, 2002 was the saddest day of my life. i cried for years after that and i still cry today. you changed my life. you were my first love. your name is carved on my body and it’s the two cuts that i like because they carry your name and your blood. i cry because i miss you, i’ll never stop loving you but i cry because i miss those days. those two months. and because everyone i love leaves within two months. i just hope you think of me from time to time, even if you don’t remember my name or my face.