it's fucking crazy, isn't it? how i sit here with numb fingers, typing about how sad i am that you're sad. even after all that's happened in this series of complications between you and i. i care about how well you are more than anything else in my life. i care about your happiness more than i care about my own. and knowing that you're this sad makes me break down into tears. i feel helpless and hopeless. i want you happy. i want you to be happy, not with me, just happy. i want to claw out my skin. i keep grinding my teeth trying to figure out what i can do to make you feel better and i can't think of anything because i can't give him to you. i would if i could. you know i would. i wish i could make this feeling stop for you. i wish i could make this feeling stop for me. i feel so helpless, all i can do is cry because i am not there holding you. because i am not holding your head to my chest telling you things are going to be okay. because i am not shushing you to sleep. because my shirt isn't soaked with your tears. because you falling apart makes me want to fucking die. because i've heard you cry and as beautiful as it is, it's not something you should do. especially not as often. i don't know what else to say and i can hardly see the screen. i just hope you feel better soon. very very soon. and i hope you know that i will always be here for you. no matter what happens, i'll be here.
i'm taking myself to bed before i drive myself insane. just remember how much i care.
good night, paige.
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