i'll be still.

i've been listening to nicole simone for hours now and i was looking through a tumblr page of san diego and it gave me strange nostalgia. as if i wasn't here anymore. like san diego is no longer part of my life. but i am here. in tijuana, but in san diego too. as if this is what it's gonna feel like when i finally get out of here. i am dying to get out of san diego. i want new people. new friendships. a new bed, a new room. different walls to hang up different posters on. i want different covers and blankets to keep me warm at night. i want someone's warmth everyday, without having to sneak her in and out of my house. i want someone to call mine. that i can introduce to strangers and friends and family as my girlfriend. i want someone who will love me and put up with me but someone that doesn't have to put up with me. i promise to be good so you don't have to put up with anything. i don't think i will find anyone in san diego and i am really tired of being alone. i said all i wanted was sex and that is still true. but meaningless sex gets old for me very quickly. it's quite strange that i haven't felt this well, emotionally, in so long and now i am having these strange feelings of sadness that i don't know where they came from.