i whistle and i run.

my mornings for the past seven months have consisted of hangovers, sex and breakfast, with the occasional crying because i've had a heartfull of bricks. however, these cries have been mine and my crying doesn't hurt me. i've been up since 5:30 am and i woke up to my mother crying. see, my dad left. when they told us he was leaving last night my heartful of bricks got outweighed by a heartful of tons of concrete. because seeing my brothers and my mother cry the way they were crying last night breaks my heart more than any girl in the world is capable of. i saw my younger brother, always so strong, at 14 standing 5'8, with his hands in his pockets and his head down, crying, his big brown eyes filled with tears. no matter how often he wiped his eyes, they kept coming and had no signs of stopping any time soon. then i saw my youngest brother, who we think doesn't give a shit about anything, with his already sad eyes, wiping and wiping and wiping. i've never truly understood what having a shoulder to lean on meant, until last night. her rested his head on my shoulder and all i could do was hug him tightly. then my younger brother looked to me for comfort as well. my neck was soaked with their tears. and now my mom this morning, crying, because her husband has left. i am sick of fucking people. i am sick and tired of this bullshit. i can take fucking girls telling me that they fucking love me and not meaning it. i can, but i can't take my brothers or my mom crying or hurting the way they are. i don't care that they're getting divorced, i don't. i care about how i'm gonna have to see all three of them cry endlessly and not be able to do anything. i've been avoiding the internet for a reason, and that is to not read anything that will hurt. and today, that pain ceases to matter because now i have three hearts that need to get taken care of. i have no one to go to. i have to be the strong one, but i am not strong enough to not crumble seeing their beautiful faces cry.