let me back in.

I rode trolley for hours, trying to find somewhere, a place where my mind would just stop. Stop what you ask? I don't know, just... Stop. But that place and time never came and now i'm just trying to live through this day. If there's a hell, this must be it, the way my mind just won't stop. I've never felt like this, so angry. It was days like these when i hated her. I hated her for not loving me like she said she did. And then getting upset at me for getting upset over her fuck ups. I am, afterall, human. Even if just barely. I rode the trolley thinking maybe its speed would work with my head and shit would go faster. I rode all the way to santee, twice, on two different trolleys and i rode all the way to the border. My peace of mind was nowhere to be found. I couldn't help but think about what an ex gf had said to me once: "i'm not like you, i actually enjoy my sanity." that sentence, those nine words had been running around my mind ceaselessly since that night in my bed. I had never thought of myself as one who enjoys insanity, but it sure seems like i do.