you are free to love..

i have lose change in my pocket, gum wrappers in my bag, dead flowers withered a year ago and a picture of you taped to my diary. how my autumn feels like winter, summer feels like winter, spring feels like winter, and winter feels like hell. the world seems gray and the sun feels like lightning striking upon my body. there is no light just dark, i haven’t seen any color in a while, no brightness, no contrast, no nothing, all black, sometimes gray but mostly black. no amount of pillows can keep me warm at night, no other being. no nothing. the blood that runs through my body is no longer warm or human like or red, it’s cold like winter in antarctica, black like your soul, and nonhuman like flies around a corpse. my hair falls out from lack of maintenance and my room smells of burnt flesh from burning the tips of my fingers with matches and cigarettes.