you are free to love..

i have lose change in my pocket, gum wrappers in my bag, dead flowers withered a year ago and a picture of you taped to my diary. how my autumn feels like winter, summer feels like winter, spring feels like winter, and winter feels like hell. the world seems gray and the sun feels like lightning striking upon my body. there is no light just dark, i haven’t seen any color in a while, no brightness, no contrast, no nothing, all black, sometimes gray but mostly black. no amount of pillows can keep me warm at night, no other being. no nothing. the blood that runs through my body is no longer warm or human like or red, it’s cold like winter in antarctica, black like your soul, and nonhuman like flies around a corpse. my hair falls out from lack of maintenance and my room smells of burnt flesh from burning the tips of my fingers with matches and cigarettes.

killing an arab..

what is it with chicks with fucking girlfriends that attracts them to me?! i mean seriously, what the fuck is it?? if you have a fucking girlfriend or a fucking boyfriend GO AWAY! do not fucking flirt with me, do not say shit to me unless it's just all nice friendly stuff! SERIOUSLY i have enough with my shit, enough in my head to deal with to be dealing with girls who "like me" but have fucking girlfriends. FUCK OFF!! leave me the fuck alone!! GAH!

the tragedy of the broken glasses..

it is funny how little shit can be something awful..
i need glasses, ya know, to see. i've probably needed them since i was in elementary school but didn't get any until i was about fourteen or fifteen. those glasses went through some shit, i mean, probation for skipping school, depression, cutting, falling in and out love.. My mom got pissed off about my getting in trouble with school that she was hitting me once and knocked them out and they got crooked coz when they fell i guess i sat on them so the fuckers were C R O O K E D, but shit, i could still see awesome so no biggie. another thing these bastards went through was one night i took them off to sleep and in the morning they were on the floor all bitten, the frame had little teeth marks, the part that goes around your ears was all bitten to the point that if i wore them like that it would eventually make me bleed coz it was all fucked up,so tape was around that part, the actual lens had some bitage there too, but hey, i could still see. so i had those glasses since i was around fifteen til i was twenty and that's when tragedy struck. my mom and i went into jack in the box and i didn't wear them outside coz i fucking hated that they turned dark in the sun ughhh i fucking hated that, i mean i have fucking sunglasses. so i take them out to wear them and tlick..they break. i mean, they just fucking broke, there were no signs of them breaking or anything and just like that they were broken into two pieces. i cried. i had enough bullshit for about a year or so now that i cried, i felt as if everything in my life was going wrong and this was just the fucking cherry on top of this shit sundae. I my glasses broke, it wasn't a big deal for anyone but it was a big deal to me. these glasses were like my life, even my Identification. i haven't gotten glasses and i can't see for shit. funny how when shit is going on in your life, little things like these are the evidence of it..
i'm talking out of my ass..

the hills are alive with celibate cries..

send me the gods..
send me the kisses..
give me your love..
break me to pieces..

heaven knows i'm miserable now..

leave me to die for i want to die in your arms, with my head resting on your chest and my ear wet with your soft, moist breath.

i'm crawling through landmines..

oh Samantha, again i write about you because i cannot seem to keep you out of my stupid mind. I went on your myspace after not having gone there in quite sometime and i found your twitter page. i will not try to contact you anymore since you've made it more than clear that you do not wish to talk to me and i do understand that, i don't think there's really a reason but i get it. i don't even know what to write about, i find new shit about you and i become dismantled. it's like this grey cloud comes over my shoulder and starts raining and thundering on me, like being in a cave and being eaten by whatever lurks around there. i never wanted more than to just take care of you, nothing more, all i wanna know is you're okay, and it seems like you are, so i'm happy for you. ahhhh fuck, if i felt shitty before, i feel even shittier now..