J and S

i have just now, right this instant, decided to move on. i need to learn how to move on, i've been obsessing about this Sam business for almost eight years now, that's a whole elementary school child with hands and feet. i need to learn how to move on. i've decided that i need to move into another direction, maybe men..?? maybe not.. i have to start being more responsible and healthier in every sense, emotionally being at the top.

..

you've come back into my life as i was about to forget you..

i, once again, sit here writing about you..

it doesn't matter who i'm crushing on, and or who i intend to write about, i only write about Samantha, if some girl is breaking my heart and i want to write about her, Samantha immediately pops in my head and i forget about said girl and write about Samantha, it never ceases to impress me how easily these girls get briefly erased from my mind when i begin to write, i never write about any of them eventhough there's tons of girls i could write about, really the only reason i write is coz i get sad about one of them and my intent and purpose IS to write about THEM, not Samantha, but it never happens that way. No girl compares to her, not yet at least, and to my love for her, i still think about her and weep..

glass and the ghost children..

you had me on my knees..
and your feet were my home..
you never accepted my offering or even cared what it was..
it really wasn't much..
however, what was mine, was yours as well..
even more than mine..
i've dedicated my whole left arm to you..
with your name engraved on it twice, like an epitaph..
if you think about it, that's what my left arm is..
a gravestone and tomb of our now, non existent friendship..
Samantha K. Puentes, how i miss you..

superpowerless..

have you ever had that feeling of loss. i mean, when you're going out with someone, or talking, whatever the fuck, and all of a sudden it hits you this person has lost interest? or maybe, this person wasn't interested to begin with. i feel shitty today, i hate the feeling that i might be alone forever, that no one will take a genuine interest in what it is that i am. it's ridiculous how weak and stupid my mentality is since i'm writing about a woman i don't personally know and whose voice i have never heard, who i have been talking to for about a month but really only have been texting a lot for a week and really it has only been today that we haven't texted as much. it seemed like she was interested, it did, now, i don't know. ugh! i hate myself for falling hard over nothing, it's not even a trip, it's a fucking fall off a fucking waterfall in Peru, that's how hard and how fast i fall, and i fall over bullshit, she's not bullshit, my emotions are, my heart is..