i only emphasize your loneliness.

i'd sacrifice money and heaven all for you.

only you and music move me.

which makes my life extremely hard these days.

i listen to you speak because it's summer and beautiful things thrive during summer.

manzanita: remember that time i danced to you in the privacy of your room to bat for lashes?

aidee: you mean that time you seduced me and took off all your clothes?

manzanita: yes.

aidee: yes, i remember. why?

manzanita: just making you sure you know what's coming to you in two days.

through double pain.

there's this void in my chest
i think it's the space your eyes occupied
it grows more hollow with each tear my eyelids let escape
when salt is dispersed beneath my feet
like sandy toes on a beautiful beach
fill this void
let your brown eyes gaze into mine
let me lose myself in that labyrinth
and never let me out
fill this void
or spread your porcelain hand and reach into my heart
take a hold and rip it out
and take it
i don't want it if it's yours

does it become you?

you've been planted in fields of gold
you've blossomed beautifully

just love her. just be with her. just wrap your arms around her and never let her go.

how can a human being hurt so much? why do you hurt so much?

sleepwalk.

i hadn't cried this hard over anything in almost a year. and i hadn't felt this hole in my chest feel any more hollow.

breathing has never been this difficult.

Santo and Johnny- Sleepwalk

if i could have it back...

i walked home today and as i moved one leg in front of the other and let the sun burn my face with its rays i thought of you, as i always do when my mind has a time off from the other bullshit it makes up. i thought about us... and then the thought ended. i hurried home, cramping on each toe that didn't want to cooperate, and began to panic. i quickly opened the front door of my house, the white door, then i went inside and ran to my room. i opened my room and i rummaged through all of my belongings, hoping to find a hint of "us". i looked for hours and hours hoping to find something, anything. even just a piece of paper with your name. i hoped to find some kind of article that said that you and i were an "us" at some time but i failed at finding something. i needed just a trace that when the word "we" was used, it was used for you and me together. i exhausted every ounce of energy and felt defeated when i didn't find anything. i couldn't find a trace of us, because there was never an "us".

i'm strangely afraid of things that don't threaten me.