mañana olvidare..

i cried yesterday when i saw your new picture. completely broke down. i don't know why.

eyes.

i never in a million years thought i was gonna see eyes more beautiful, wonderful, magnificent, magical as Joann's. until i saw Paige's..

something is wrong..

i’m insane with her and without her. saner without but i’d rather be completely mad with her than normal without her. but i also don’t want a little bit of her, i want all of her or nothing at all..

i never had no one ever..

i was watching grey's anatomy last night. i remember we used to talk about watching all the seasons together, and how you said it would be the "best three days ever." everytime grey's anatomy i will think of you. everytime. but yesterday, i don't know, they said something you said to me once. "change is the only constant." when they said that my heart sank. it's one thing to remember you by shit that we talked about but when someone says something you had said to me in the past, all these fucking feelings come back and i don't know what to do except pinch my fucking leg and bite my fucking cheek to keep me from crying. the knot in my throat is ready to come undone and passing saliva becomes difficult. i guess it's all part of the process when you miss someone as much as i miss you. i don't wanna miss you anymore. lately i just can't stop thinking about you. it's too much now. and now it's like i can't get away from anything because i have a friends who unknowingly have said shit that you had said to me so i find myself being a fucking girl and calling them out when they say something. everything reminds me of you and shit i didn't remember before i remember now. anything. everything. whatever, wherever, whoever i'm with. there's always something of yours there. it can be something you told me you liked, hated. something you wore. a lyric. your scent. asian males with mullets. anything. everything. you are everywhere. but also nowhere..

three times?

this has been like my "loves" blog or whatever. i've written about samantha and joann. i think it's only fair that i now write about paige. my reason for pain. for heartache. for endless and sleepless nights. for incessant crying. and i don't wanna write on the one i share with carlita coz i have lots to say about this heart of mine and it's not cool to flood our blog with my shit..