the end.

because i loved you with all i had and it still was never enough.

i loved you
not only with your broken parts
but the fucked up parts too
the ones when you threw words so diligently
and carved them underneath my skin

"You make me feel like a woman." -vera

i want my ears to be muffled by your legs

to be my permanent ear muffs

thirty-three.

i wonder if you still listen to the smashing pumpkins

and if you still wanna die at 29, it's less than two years away

i wonder if you only used to say that to me because you knew it scared me and made me sad

you knew how in love i was with you

truth is, i miss you

but not the way i've missed other girls

but in how i never really knew you

how in almost 10 years now, i can't seem to get you out of my head

but again, it's not in a romantic way

i always wonder how you are and how you've been

and i remember your face in the morning

your wet hair and your clean face

you always smelled sweet

i wonder if you still listen to the smashing pumpkins

if you remember that i introduced you to garbage

if you remember that you were all i cared about at 15

and still think about at 25

i miss you

in a way that i can't explain and don't expect anyone, not even you, to understand

i miss you

The Smashing Pumpkins- Thirty-Three

speak to me in a language i can hear
humour me before i have to go
deep in thought i forgive everyone
as the cluttered streets greet me once again
i know i can't be late
supper's waiting on the table
tomorrow's just an excuse away
so i pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own

the earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
at the blasphemy in myold jangly walk
steeple guide me to my heart and home
the sun is out and up and down again
i know i'll make it, love can last forever
graceful swans of never topple to the Earth
and you can make it last forever
you can make it last forever

and for a moment i lose myself
wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
i've journeyed here and there and back again
but in the same old haunts  still find my friends
mysteries not ready to reveal
sympathies i'm ready to return
i'll make the effort, love can last forever
graceful swans of never topple to the Earth
tomorrow's just an excuse
tomorrow's just an excuse

and you can make it last forever

You.

I kind of miss you making my life miserable because in fact, i enjoyed it terribly.

dear paige,

you'd make a beautiful book.

i am certain that i was put in this world to worship you and i won't do any less than that.

fill my sorrows.

your delicate white shoulders have whispered something in my ear. "touch me" they said. my hands couldn't resist and obliged. they whisper some more, "kiss me". my lips leaned in and grazed their dry wrinkles on your beautiful shoulders that spread out like two magical devil wings. your touch burns... and i wouldn't want it any other way.

i still dream about your legs

and how long they look in shorts

i still have the smell of your womanhood

on my top lip